Alastair and Martin's Web Site Fifth Year Quotes

The Fifth year of quote collection was one to remember. For instance, we have an alcohol-heavy weekend of Al and Mart together in Cornwall, paeds, O&G, the famous Birchathon, A&E, neuro, ENT and ophth, and GP / Pall / etc., and finally psychiatry. Enjoy.

Anna I can't eat Yorkie bars. I had a bad experience with one when I was younger.
Caroline (to Jon) You up for a large one?
Clare Shut up! I'm getting hot in here!
Alasdair and I were the only people who turned up for an 8.30 lecture which had been cancelled last week. No wonder Scotland hasn't been given independence.
  (with her new pair of boots) Ooh! There's two of them!
  I'm not aggressive - I just like touching people.
Emma You look intelligent, but when you open your mouth the effect is lost.
  Neither of our experiments worked, but he had a wife and 2 kids so it was worse for him.
  Emma: Could this CV be used as bog roll?
Jon: Probably. That's why surgeons don't interview.
Jacquetta Obs and Gynae has turned me into the Texas chainsaw weirdo.
  I'm not made for the NHS; I'm made for Vietnam.
  If I'd got a licence to kill then half of the year would be dead.
  It doesn't have to be thick, it just has to be long.
  It's a lovely day, why are we spoiling it by talking about love?
You'd trust me with your baby at night in our lab?
Sarah "Rectal Diazepam"? I think I've seen that video.
Adam It's not inconceivable that Fertility Clinics will happen on a Monday.
  I'm a bit bi-... erm, lateral. But I have a preferred side.
  PERFECT! To a greater or lesser extent.
Alasdair I like it hot and wet.
  (the ultimate conversation ice-breaker!) I see they've changed the sex laws.
  Perhaps Saddam's got a paper aeroplane of mass destruction up his sleeve.
  You can't beat a good beating with a newspaper.
  Jon, if you get lucky, I'm in for a piece of the action.
Bas Bas: Sorry, I'm bleeding.
CB: So am I.
Bas: But I'm bleeding more.
CB: OK, you win.
This League of Fiends food is the culinary equivalent of a White Hole.
Can you keep your sandwich off my forehead?
Dan That's from a dwarf with a big doowidgy.
  It's for short fat tall people.
  Have you ever played a game where someone's stuck a pawn right up your backside?
Jon I would do Cardiology, but I think it might involve the heart too much.
  I feel like a naked person in a bath.
  Cockroaches in Australia must be easy to kill because they're already upside-down.
There was a 16 year old in the clinic. She made it hard for me.
  Oh my God! It's my twin sister's birthday!
  I usually send out four or five Valentine's cards to cover all possibilities.
  I had to play in Alasdair's trousers.
  (To Alasdair, who is about to hit Jon) We've done this before, and it's not very stimulating, I'll have you know.
  So who's going to have Alasdair in the double bed in Cornwall? I think Prath and I will be fighting over him.
Mart The brain filters things for relevance and excitement.
  I'd better go to make some wemen fertile.
  It's supposed to be on the basis of copulation...
  Nnnnnnhhh!!! I feel like Zeus!
  That way I get to disguise myself as golden showers.
  Nano-naps - every neuron in your brain skips an action potential because it may be an action potential you might need later in the day.
Oli When's Haggis Day?
Pratheeban Why at Christmas is it acceptable to fill the airwaves with Christmas music?
  I once ran into a mirror thinking it was my grandfather.
  I don't want to sound like an alcoholic, but I think we need 3 bottles of wine.
  It's a carrot stick, erm..... I mean an orange stick.
  Why is Jon stroking the green ribbon? I mean, Jon, you've got the Internet, you don't need this!
  Oli, it's obvious that you are not as attractive to an auditory hallucination as I am.
Tom (to Adam) You're not sticking that thing in me!
  I normally get called Rob by hormonal women.
Jen The thing with drinking is it gets you drunk.
  I'm normally anally early.
  You can never go wrong with knee-length boots.
Liz (on discussion of dolphins raping swimmers) You'd never be able to watch "Flipper" again!
Al When a man is lacking in wemen, a dog is nearly as good.
  Nothing could be better. I've got the best view in the world, people shooting at me, a drink and a weman.
  I was thinking of St Hippo's.
  Otherwise it'll get unwieldy and it won't fit in the White Horse.
  Martin's going in the back entrance. Andy:- That'll make a change!
  I don't believe you've met my extremely large vehicle.
  What's an ENT specialist got to do with deafness?
  Give yourself a break, Mart, she's female and warm.
  I wasn't there. I was drinking beer with a Mandrake.
Al and Mart
Al: "Support your local pub". How are we supposed to support a pub, Mart?
Mart: Prop up the bar.
Andy I'll have 2 pints, a pint and a pint on the side.
  Like the tugging thing, it was just like opening a big barn door.
  It's not every day you sit in a Volvo drinking rum.. but it's not a bad end to a BIRCHDAY.
Roo Fish don't have hair, do they?
  I think wemen look better in soft focus - it's like beer goggles.
  Retrievers aren't what they used to be.
  Jack Frost is just like Vishnu.
Jeremy It's sort of contempory history.
Rob from the Turf Come on, Caroline, you love head.
Random Jitsu instructor You need to be more bent, like me.
A&E Registrar A&E Reg: What's that cardiologist doing in our department?
Nurse: I don't know.
A&E Registrar: What's his GCS?
  We've got three patients: a hypo, a hyper, and some weman.
A&E Nurse Do you realise this patient is third in line to the trolley?
Trauma Registrar Tom, you're a walking bloody Blackwell's!
ENT Registrar It's supposed to be good to wash your hair in beer, but I couldn't bear to waste that much.
  I'd forgotten cider tastes of apples.
  I really want to treat a transexual.
  Martin, you know lots of cunts.
  I've got such a headache I need a beer.
CB Systemic Blur-itis
  I can't see why he shouldn't do it on his back.
  There IS sentient life outside Oxford.
  If you work for Professor Winkywankywoo then you probably haven't met him.
  Never work for young consultants because they have existential crises at 3 in the morning.
IB It's not every day you have Robert Palmer in a lecture.
NC Laser treatment is really just a hi-tec way of setting fire to something. It's really just an excuse for arson.
PC There are now ultrasound units used by many demented people throughout the hospital.
  You just need to hallucinate here.
AF You get a floppy, flappy dangler if you are relaxed.
DSF I'm glad I'm going to die soon...
  What is the Number Needed To Kill cycling to Chipping Norton?
CG This is Ethel, the old chief midwife, who's now departed. Erm, I mean she's gone. She's not dead.
TH Jacquetta, you looked guilty. It must be the way you clean your glasses.
  I like it when people are rude to me. It makes me feel like we are having a proper philosophical conversation.
  I define a delusion as "A belief that changes when you are given chlorpromazine"
JH I hate looking down microscopes! They make me feel sick!
  DIC - Death Is Coming.
  This question is getting at, "This is NOT normal, dude!".
Dr J@cks0n (while Caroline giggles hysterically) Is she well?
LI You are allowed to drink water while Ian M@c£nzie is bleeding you to death.
CM This is really just an exercise in mental masturbation.
VR Oli and I are having a baby.

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