OUSU COUNCIL...

Nicked from Roo's deceased website, I think these are pretty good. And my website is completed, unlike Roo's.

Proposals we'd like to see at OUSU Council.

1. No Hacks

This council notes that

• There are many hacks within OUSU.
• Hacks permeate Oxford politics up to the highest level.
• They are silly.

This council believes that

• Oxford would be a much nicer place without hacks.
• I mean what good have hacks ever done? Bugger all that's what.

This council resolves to

• Implement a strict testing proceedure for anyone who wishes to speak at OUSU council. (see amendment)
• Those found guilty of hacking shall be excluded from council until such time as they can prove otherwise.
• Encourage The Oxford Union to do the same.

Amendments

A hack shall be defined as someone who:

1. Greats people he/she has never met before with a huge smile and some inane comment.
2. Has ever considered sexual favours as a way of furthering his/her political career.
3. Considers presy drinks to be the highlight of his/her year.
4. Does PPE.

2. No arguments

This council notes that

• People argue in OUSU council all the time.
• Arguing never gets you anywhere.

This council believes that

• Oxford would be a much more pleasant place to study if everyone agreed with each other.
• The Oxford Union is one of the biggest causes of unnecessary arguments in the country.

This council resolves to

• Identify those members of council who seem particulaly argumentative and silence them by whatever means are necessary.
• Encourage the Union to restrict its activities to selling cheap drinks and inviting entertaining (but not argumentative) guest speakers such as Rolf Harris.
• Stop arguing so much.

Amendments

If you can't agree then just don't turn up. It's that simple.

3. No Platform Policy

This council notes that

• There are many platforms within Oxford.
• Platform shoes hurt peoples feet.

This council believes that

• We don't really need to give platforms to anyone. Especially hacks.
• We certainly don't need to give anyone platform shoes.

This council resolves to

• Give everyone chairs to stand on instead.
• Promote Hush Puppies^tm as the sensible alternative.

Amendments

Oxford train station shall be exempted.

4. No Students

This council notes that

• Oxford is full of students.
• They're bloody useless the lot of them.
• It can't remember the last time a student actually did something useful.
• And we don't count student protests 'cos they just piss people off.

This council believes that

• Students are just a bloody great waste of tax payers money and we should all just fuck off and get proper jobs.

This council resolves to

• Dissolve itself.

Amendments

None.

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